as life enters this busy holiday season it makes me feel a bit out of control. i am frustrated with the too much i must do and people who say they aren't demanding of my time but don't realize they are.
christmas hasn't been the same since my dad died. it still feels very broken. my brother most likely won't show up or call. i resent his lack of membership in this family. he hasn't called since mother's day and someone asked if we called him. i have emailed and texted him, as has my sister with no response. he is such an ass.
i think my sister is coming home, that will be interesting. she has moved to a new place in atlanta and has avoided telling my mom which will not be pretty. i will get to hear all about it over and over from my mom as i will be the first one to get her venting.
marah will come home about the 20th from school. she is going home with a boyfriend for a few days and then we will meet halfway and pick her up. her growing up is painful - i know it is a part of letting them go but she is so bossy/rude/exasperating when she comes home. makes me feel useless. i have been told this will pass and when she is about 23 all will be better. ugh.
elliott is pushing away as he heads to college in the fall. thankfully he is going to wmu and not mtu. he will be in town although in the dorms next year.
i still struggle with church - or with the head pastor. he is a bully. after a conversation with an old friend today we decided that. i asked her to pray for my sanity as i can't seem to find it at church which is so wrong. it isn't peaceful. i hope someday it is.
i heard that the traditional "children's mass" at our church on christmas eve is no more. we were going to avoid that mass this year anyway but i look forward to an uproar over it and i hope they go right after that pastor. perhaps that is mean but they have had this children's mass on christmas eve forever. and people are going to be pissed. should be interesting........
i enjoyed my thanksgiving break of laziness, back to work tomorrow. hopefully it will be a good week, i am so tired of conflict.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Saturday, October 23, 2010
college............
so...Elliott has applied to 3 colleges - KVCC, WMU and MTU. He has been accepted by all three. oh boy.
MTU is his first choice. It's my last. too far away from me. When we took him to tour there this summer I wanted to cry. Thinking about him going so far away is painful...ugh.
Where did the last 17 years go?????
MTU is his first choice. It's my last. too far away from me. When we took him to tour there this summer I wanted to cry. Thinking about him going so far away is painful...ugh.
Where did the last 17 years go?????
Monday, October 11, 2010
oh the joy....
my children are growing up too fast. Marah is already in her 2nd year of college and Elliott is a high school senior. It scares me to watch sometimes - I can't believe they are headed for the real world. They are both smart and good kids and I am proud....
Then there was a day like today...but a bit of history first.
Last week Elliott didn't feel good and when he came home he had locked his keys in his car. He was using the spare because he couldn't find his "real keys". He fell asleep early and I forgot about the keys. So I let him sleep in the next day and when he decided he felt better to go to school, he realized the keys were in the car. Bob is at work, I don't have a key, and the other spare is with Marah at AQ. Elliott decides to mow the every growing lawn and in the process there is a huge CLUNK and guess what? He found the "real keys". Chewed them up, bent them, broke them. UGH.
This past weekend was the Portage Cross Country Invitational and when he was cleaning up after, someone took his sweats with his keys and wallet. He borrows Bob's spare to get to school today - got his keys back and wallet back.
He comes home from school today and proceeds to lock BOTH SETS OF KEYS in the car.
UGH.
Seriously - would you want that child going to Michigan Tech next year. At this time my vote is NO.
Then there was a day like today...but a bit of history first.
Last week Elliott didn't feel good and when he came home he had locked his keys in his car. He was using the spare because he couldn't find his "real keys". He fell asleep early and I forgot about the keys. So I let him sleep in the next day and when he decided he felt better to go to school, he realized the keys were in the car. Bob is at work, I don't have a key, and the other spare is with Marah at AQ. Elliott decides to mow the every growing lawn and in the process there is a huge CLUNK and guess what? He found the "real keys". Chewed them up, bent them, broke them. UGH.
This past weekend was the Portage Cross Country Invitational and when he was cleaning up after, someone took his sweats with his keys and wallet. He borrows Bob's spare to get to school today - got his keys back and wallet back.
He comes home from school today and proceeds to lock BOTH SETS OF KEYS in the car.
UGH.
Seriously - would you want that child going to Michigan Tech next year. At this time my vote is NO.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
pitty party
I am throwing myself a pitty party.
I ache, just simply ache to go on vacation where money is no object, not that I am out to spend a ton - but can stay in a nice hotel, go to the beach or sight see, just get the heck out of here.
I want my useless brother to come and spend time with my mom. It has been 3 years since my dad has been gone and I am pretty much her support group. Amy lives too far away and I would like to keep it that way. But Frank - he is an arse. Calls rarely, comes over even less. Great sibling.
I am tire of the guilt of resenting the fact I am the ONLY ONE who does ANYTHING for my mother. I balance her checkbook, get her money from the bank, write her checks, take her places, listen to her when she needs to talk, or not. I should not feel this way about my mom. I love her, I treasure her, I value her and can't imagine life without her. But this is HARD. She isn't needy really, just technologically challenged - can't get her voicemail off the cell phone, and can't do email. She likes to cruise Facebook so I can't vent there.
Funny - my current status is "really truly would like to go on vacation". A friend said for me to go to my mom's because that is like a vacation and the food is always good. Not a vacation. Not right now. I need to GO AWAY.
Ugh.
I ache, just simply ache to go on vacation where money is no object, not that I am out to spend a ton - but can stay in a nice hotel, go to the beach or sight see, just get the heck out of here.
I want my useless brother to come and spend time with my mom. It has been 3 years since my dad has been gone and I am pretty much her support group. Amy lives too far away and I would like to keep it that way. But Frank - he is an arse. Calls rarely, comes over even less. Great sibling.
I am tire of the guilt of resenting the fact I am the ONLY ONE who does ANYTHING for my mother. I balance her checkbook, get her money from the bank, write her checks, take her places, listen to her when she needs to talk, or not. I should not feel this way about my mom. I love her, I treasure her, I value her and can't imagine life without her. But this is HARD. She isn't needy really, just technologically challenged - can't get her voicemail off the cell phone, and can't do email. She likes to cruise Facebook so I can't vent there.
Funny - my current status is "really truly would like to go on vacation". A friend said for me to go to my mom's because that is like a vacation and the food is always good. Not a vacation. Not right now. I need to GO AWAY.
Ugh.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
garage sale
I'm getting ready for a garage sale this weekend - planning on having it Thurs-Saturday. We have accumulated entirely too much CRAP. And I need money. Hopefully the shoppers will be out with lots of money to give me and take away all my junk.
I cleaned out the hall closet this week - that resulted in 3 bags to go out to the garage. There is more in the basement that needs to come up. There is even more in my craft area that may never see the light of day. I went down there this morning and just stood there. It was scary. I would say about 3/4 of the things cluttering that corner of the basement can be recycled. I have tons and tons of rubber stamps that I don't use anymore. It is too bad they don't sell well...especially considering what I paid for all of it....
I don't think I have done any quilting or stamping - real stamping in over 2 years. When I went back to get my degree all of that went by the way...to collect dust.
I think that area will be a winter project when we all want to stay indoors away from the cold.
I cleaned out the hall closet this week - that resulted in 3 bags to go out to the garage. There is more in the basement that needs to come up. There is even more in my craft area that may never see the light of day. I went down there this morning and just stood there. It was scary. I would say about 3/4 of the things cluttering that corner of the basement can be recycled. I have tons and tons of rubber stamps that I don't use anymore. It is too bad they don't sell well...especially considering what I paid for all of it....
I don't think I have done any quilting or stamping - real stamping in over 2 years. When I went back to get my degree all of that went by the way...to collect dust.
I think that area will be a winter project when we all want to stay indoors away from the cold.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
daily mass
today is three years since my dad left this earth. We had a huge thunderstorm already this morning, more on the way today. seems fitting to my mood somewhat.
we went to morning mass today - me, my mom, my kids - as it was said for my dad. the man who read the intentions butchered his name, someday I hope whoever is reading gets it right. Sigh...
after mass I stopped in the church office and talked to the receptionist. I told her I wasn't crazy about this taking over of dad's conference room. she wasn't real happy with me and said what else could we do. and that my dad would have been the first to say move in there. whatever. I told her if his photo comes down off the wall, I wanted it. She said the priest wouldn't do that, but I said I think it will happen. And if it does, I want the picture.
perhaps if this large-headed priest had handled this differently, I wouldn't be so pissed off. I am sure he will hear about me being mad and confront me. alas...such is life.
we went to morning mass today - me, my mom, my kids - as it was said for my dad. the man who read the intentions butchered his name, someday I hope whoever is reading gets it right. Sigh...
after mass I stopped in the church office and talked to the receptionist. I told her I wasn't crazy about this taking over of dad's conference room. she wasn't real happy with me and said what else could we do. and that my dad would have been the first to say move in there. whatever. I told her if his photo comes down off the wall, I wanted it. She said the priest wouldn't do that, but I said I think it will happen. And if it does, I want the picture.
perhaps if this large-headed priest had handled this differently, I wouldn't be so pissed off. I am sure he will hear about me being mad and confront me. alas...such is life.
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