as life enters this busy holiday season it makes me feel a bit out of control. i am frustrated with the too much i must do and people who say they aren't demanding of my time but don't realize they are.
christmas hasn't been the same since my dad died. it still feels very broken. my brother most likely won't show up or call. i resent his lack of membership in this family. he hasn't called since mother's day and someone asked if we called him. i have emailed and texted him, as has my sister with no response. he is such an ass.
i think my sister is coming home, that will be interesting. she has moved to a new place in atlanta and has avoided telling my mom which will not be pretty. i will get to hear all about it over and over from my mom as i will be the first one to get her venting.
marah will come home about the 20th from school. she is going home with a boyfriend for a few days and then we will meet halfway and pick her up. her growing up is painful - i know it is a part of letting them go but she is so bossy/rude/exasperating when she comes home. makes me feel useless. i have been told this will pass and when she is about 23 all will be better. ugh.
elliott is pushing away as he heads to college in the fall. thankfully he is going to wmu and not mtu. he will be in town although in the dorms next year.
i still struggle with church - or with the head pastor. he is a bully. after a conversation with an old friend today we decided that. i asked her to pray for my sanity as i can't seem to find it at church which is so wrong. it isn't peaceful. i hope someday it is.
i heard that the traditional "children's mass" at our church on christmas eve is no more. we were going to avoid that mass this year anyway but i look forward to an uproar over it and i hope they go right after that pastor. perhaps that is mean but they have had this children's mass on christmas eve forever. and people are going to be pissed. should be interesting........
i enjoyed my thanksgiving break of laziness, back to work tomorrow. hopefully it will be a good week, i am so tired of conflict.
