ugh

just ugh.

working in hell

so today I was beginning to think I was working in hell. My co-worker called in sick (which is a rare thing - so I know she was ill).

The morning started out slow but then it was like an explosion. A whiny pain in the butt girl comes down and cries to the AP about something and then she gets to spend the morning in the office until they can investigate her claims. Another kid comes down because he is in big trouble and suspended. Then more kids called down, sent down, a fight at lunch, lying kids, pissed off parents. UGH.

Sometimes I wish I were a drinker....kidding.

Hoping my co-worker is better tomorrow and all these pain in the butt children get their poop in a group.

I cringe at the thought of these kids leading in our future.....

life as I know it....

as life enters this busy holiday season it makes me feel a bit out of control. i am frustrated with the too much i must do and people who say they aren't demanding of my time but don't realize they are.

christmas hasn't been the same since my dad died. it still feels very broken. my brother most likely won't show up or call. i resent his lack of membership in this family. he hasn't called since mother's day and someone asked if we called him. i have emailed and texted him, as has my sister with no response. he is such an ass.

i think my sister is coming home, that will be interesting. she has moved to a new place in atlanta and has avoided telling my mom which will not be pretty. i will get to hear all about it over and over from my mom as i will be the first one to get her venting.

marah will come home about the 20th from school. she is going home with a boyfriend for a few days and then we will meet halfway and pick her up. her growing up is painful - i know it is a part of letting them go but she is so bossy/rude/exasperating when she comes home. makes me feel useless. i have been told this will pass and when she is about 23 all will be better. ugh.

elliott is pushing away as he heads to college in the fall. thankfully he is going to wmu and not mtu. he will be in town although in the dorms next year.

i still struggle with church - or with the head pastor. he is a bully. after a conversation with an old friend today we decided that. i asked her to pray for my sanity as i can't seem to find it at church which is so wrong. it isn't peaceful. i hope someday it is.

i heard that the traditional "children's mass" at our church on christmas eve is no more. we were going to avoid that mass this year anyway but i look forward to an uproar over it and i hope they go right after that pastor. perhaps that is mean but they have had this children's mass on christmas eve forever. and people are going to be pissed. should be interesting........

i enjoyed my thanksgiving break of laziness, back to work tomorrow. hopefully it will be a good week, i am so tired of conflict.

college............

so...Elliott has applied to 3 colleges - KVCC, WMU and MTU. He has been accepted by all three. oh boy.

MTU is his first choice. It's my last. too far away from me. When we took him to tour there this summer I wanted to cry. Thinking about him going so far away is painful...ugh.

Where did the last 17 years go?????

oh the joy....

my children are growing up too fast. Marah is already in her 2nd year of college and Elliott is a high school senior. It scares me to watch sometimes - I can't believe they are headed for the real world. They are both smart and good kids and I am proud....

Then there was a day like today...but a bit of history first.

Last week Elliott didn't feel good and when he came home he had locked his keys in his car. He was using the spare because he couldn't find his "real keys". He fell asleep early and I forgot about the keys. So I let him sleep in the next day and when he decided he felt better to go to school, he realized the keys were in the car. Bob is at work, I don't have a key, and the other spare is with Marah at AQ. Elliott decides to mow the every growing lawn and in the process there is a huge CLUNK and guess what? He found the "real keys". Chewed them up, bent them, broke them. UGH.

This past weekend was the Portage Cross Country Invitational and when he was cleaning up after, someone took his sweats with his keys and wallet. He borrows Bob's spare to get to school today - got his keys back and wallet back.

He comes home from school today and proceeds to lock BOTH SETS OF KEYS in the car.
UGH.

Seriously - would you want that child going to Michigan Tech next year. At this time my vote is NO.

girl drama

seriously - some of these golfers of mine...need a club to the head.

pitty party

I am throwing myself a pitty party.

I ache, just simply ache to go on vacation where money is no object, not that I am out to spend a ton - but can stay in a nice hotel, go to the beach or sight see, just get the heck out of here.

I want my useless brother to come and spend time with my mom. It has been 3 years since my dad has been gone and I am pretty much her support group. Amy lives too far away and I would like to keep it that way. But Frank - he is an arse. Calls rarely, comes over even less. Great sibling.

I am tire of the guilt of resenting the fact I am the ONLY ONE who does ANYTHING for my mother. I balance her checkbook, get her money from the bank, write her checks, take her places, listen to her when she needs to talk, or not. I should not feel this way about my mom. I love her, I treasure her, I value her and can't imagine life without her. But this is HARD. She isn't needy really, just technologically challenged - can't get her voicemail off the cell phone, and can't do email. She likes to cruise Facebook so I can't vent there.

Funny - my current status is "really truly would like to go on vacation". A friend said for me to go to my mom's because that is like a vacation and the food is always good. Not a vacation. Not right now. I need to GO AWAY.

Ugh.

garage sale

I'm getting ready for a garage sale this weekend - planning on having it Thurs-Saturday. We have accumulated entirely too much CRAP. And I need money. Hopefully the shoppers will be out with lots of money to give me and take away all my junk.

I cleaned out the hall closet this week - that resulted in 3 bags to go out to the garage. There is more in the basement that needs to come up. There is even more in my craft area that may never see the light of day. I went down there this morning and just stood there. It was scary. I would say about 3/4 of the things cluttering that corner of the basement can be recycled. I have tons and tons of rubber stamps that I don't use anymore. It is too bad they don't sell well...especially considering what I paid for all of it....

I don't think I have done any quilting or stamping - real stamping in over 2 years. When I went back to get my degree all of that went by the way...to collect dust.

I think that area will be a winter project when we all want to stay indoors away from the cold.

daily mass

today is three years since my dad left this earth. We had a huge thunderstorm already this morning, more on the way today. seems fitting to my mood somewhat.

we went to morning mass today - me, my mom, my kids - as it was said for my dad. the man who read the intentions butchered his name, someday I hope whoever is reading gets it right. Sigh...

after mass I stopped in the church office and talked to the receptionist. I told her I wasn't crazy about this taking over of dad's conference room. she wasn't real happy with me and said what else could we do. and that my dad would have been the first to say move in there. whatever. I told her if his photo comes down off the wall, I wanted it. She said the priest wouldn't do that, but I said I think it will happen. And if it does, I want the picture.

perhaps if this large-headed priest had handled this differently, I wouldn't be so pissed off. I am sure he will hear about me being mad and confront me. alas...such is life.

cleaning ... bah

so....I am trying to do a "major clean" on my house this summer. my motivation is pretty much non-existent at the moment.

we have started in the living room as we got new blinds after nearly 17 years of the same sheers and valance (we won't talk about the amount of dust on the valance....). They are Levelor S curve vertical blinds in Spiced Apple. Very gorgeous.

so we had to move furniture to get to the huge picture window and that has just snowballed the need to clean, throw out, recycle. it seemed that a lot was done in the living room, but then again, there is still so much more to do.

then there is the dining room which has boxes from the golf team, boxes from my office at work, and other "stuff".

the kitchen needs cleaning and sorting, the hall closet and my bedroom. not touching the kid's rooms, that is their problem.

this is gonna take forever....wish I had a magic wand.......

frustration

I find myself further disruntled each week with the new "regime" running my church. This is the church I grew up in, my parents were charter members. My children were baptized there. I volunteer - as does the rest of my family.

Four years ago when our church remodeling was completed, the new conference room was named after my father. He was instrumental in working with the builders and the church to get everyone on the same page. During this process he was diagnosed with cancer. CANCER. THE BIG UGLY C WORD.

He was touched and humbled that the priest and staff had honored him with this conference room, and a large plaque was installed above the door. A year later, my father passed away.

His photo is framed in this conference room, with a smaller plaque reading the same as the larger one. It is a place I like to visit and say hello. He spent a lot of time in this room.

Today - on Father's day - already a difficult day for my life - the NEW priest called my mother and told her that we were getting an additional priest and he - the head pastor - would now be using this conference room as his office, would that be ok?

WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO SAY???? If he had called me I would have given him choice words. But the cowardly priest with a head the size of Texas called my mother. She said "ok", as there really wasn't an option.

I am so hurt, angry, etc. He claims it will still be named after my dad but the writing is on the wall as far as I can see....

One more year until my son graduates from high school. One more year volunteering as the liturgist for the teen mass. Then I am done volunteering and possibly done being a member of this church. I am looking to seek another church until this priest who is more interested in gloating about himself than serving others is gone. He makes me sick.